Have you ever left a doctor's office feeling like you weren't heard? Like your concerns were brushed aside? For neurodivergent women, this isn't just an occasional occurrence—it's a painful pattern. Many of us carry the weight of years of misdiagnosis, dismissal, and a feeling that the medical world just doesn't "get" us. This isn't just frustrating; it's deeply traumatizing.

How neurodivergence get missed in women

Neurodivergence, including ADHD, autism, and dyslexia, often shows up differently in women. But outdated ideas about these conditions mean we're frequently overlooked. Imagine being told you're "too sensitive" your whole life, like our interviewee Anna. She spent years in therapy, unable to explain what she was experiencing. It wasn't until her son was diagnosed with ADHD that she finally found answers for herself. The relief was immense, but so was the anger: "How could this have been missed for so long?"

This isn't an isolated incident. For every 1 girl diagnosed with ADHD, at least 3 boys are diagnosed¹. This huge gap in diagnostic rates shows how deeply ingrained these biases are. The situation for autistic women is equally challenging. Many of us learn to "mask"—hiding our true selves to fit in. This can make it even harder for doctors to see what's really going on, often leading to misdiagnosis of anxiety or personality disorders.

Then there's that sinking feeling when a doctor minimizes your concerns, saying things like, "You're just stressed" or "It's all in your head." On social media, people describe this as feeling gaslit by their doctors. Sarah, a graphic designer we interviewed, shared how her doctor dismissed her sensory issues and meltdowns, simply suggesting meditation. She felt like she was going crazy for even bringing it up.

Think about it: 71% of women feel they've been treated differently by doctors because of their gender².

Now, layer that on top of being neurodivergent. It's a double whammy of misunderstanding and bias with a devastating impact that chips away at our self-worth, making us question our own experiences. We start to wonder if we are exaggerating, if we are just "too much." This can lead to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. Lauren, who was diagnosed with autism later in life, described the experience of being late-diagnosed as years of feeling "broken," a feeling reinforced every time a doctor dismissed her.

Consequences of medical misdiagnosis

These misdiagnoses aren't just emotionally difficult, they have real physical consequences, too. Undiagnosed ADHD can lead to chronic fatigue and sleep problems, while autistic women might be given medications that actually make things worse. For example, 31.7% of autistic women reported misdiagnoses significantly more frequently than men who were misdiagnosed 16.7% of the time. Women were specifically more likely to receive misdiagnoses of personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and mood disorders.³

This trauma also affects our relationships. It's hard to explain these experiences to loved ones, and when they echo the dismissive attitudes of doctors, it creates a deep sense of isolation. Emily, a teacher we interviewed, stopped talking to her family about her health because they always told her she was overreacting. She felt like she'd lost the ability to be vulnerable.

But even in the face of these challenges, there is hope. Your experiences are real and valid. Healing is possible.

Healing after a medical misdiagnosis

Navigating the medical world as a neurodivergent woman is incredibly challenging. But by understanding the systemic issues, advocating for yourself, and finding supportive communities, you can begin to heal and find your voice. You deserve to be heard.

Healing often starts with acknowledging your feelings—the anger, the sadness, the betrayal of not getting the care you needed, when you needed it. Keeping a journal can help you process these emotions and release them.

After acknowledging how you feel, finding the right healthcare provider is crucial. Look for someone who understands neurodivergence and trauma-informed care. Online resources, like the NDI Directory and the Neurodivergent Therapist website, can help you find these compassionate professionals.

When you go to appointments, write down your symptoms and concerns beforehand. Bring a friend or advocate if you are able to, to help navigate in-the-moment anxieties. Don't be afraid to seek second opinions or change doctors until you find someone who truly listens.

Know you're not alone in this—connecting with other neurodivergent people can provide incredible support and validation. Online communities, like Divergently, can offer a sense of belonging, help you explore alternatives to a formal diagnosis like self-identification, or offer information about tools and treatments.